Finally I have internet connection and a spare five minutes to update you all in blog world. Thanks goodness, because I have really missed this!
The house move went really well and was a very much needed distraction from ‘Pregnancy Loss and the Great Unknown’.
It has since been a little stressful due to taking on decorating and DIY ourselves (mainly me, as hubby is working and I’ve been sheepishly putting off projects), and having to put my trust in tradesmen including a sloppy electrician which has caused an unbelievable amount of dust and mess, half of which we have inhaled due to clean up… we only got some down lights fitted! He also drilled through the artex ceiling with no precautions in place, so I spent a full day panicking that we have inhaled asbestos particles!
I eventually got through to a nice man at an asbestos removals company who has since reassured me that the risk is so minimal due to such a small quantity in artex, if at all, and he thinks we will be just fine. Thank you nice man!
The best thing that has happened in the last month was meeting with the new OB who has ordered our recurrent loss bloods.
I was so nervous, you know what I mean. You put all your hopes into this one person you have never met. But he was so nice. He said we will succeed at this, its just a question of when, not if. Now I know we have probably all heard this from family/friends, but its so much more encouraging when the experts tell you isn’t it! He was so genuine, and I could have just cried.
He said while it’s highly likely tests will be normal, he would still prescribe progesterone and baby aspirin to be taken from BFP as empirical treatment. He said that while this was not based on fully conclusive evidence, they cannot ignore the anecdotal evidence that this has worked for so many women. I was ecstatic! I was gearing myself up to talk him into this, and he offered it a couple of minutes into our meeting.
Then two days later, it all got a little more stressful again, when my husband passed out in the EPU after having his blood test! The consultant was concerned that it wasn’t a typical faint as he took a good few hours to feel well and normal again, so she sent us to A&E where we were ferried from ward to ward. At 8pm the doctor came over and said he didn’t know why we were there, as hubby was fine and his ECG was totally normal.
The consultant in the EPU who was initially concerned said they may fob us off but she thought we should see GP to be referred for brain tracing! So we trotted off to the GP who as suspected, shrugged it off and kind of said ‘What does she know, shes a gynaecologist’!
I tried to explain that she sees people pass out all the time, as the majority of what they do is blood tests. But GP wasn’t having any of it.
The thing is, hubby fainted a few years ago, from severe back spasm, and was foaming at mouth, it was all very scary. The paramedics at the time outright said this was not a fit, and that can be normal from a faint due to lack of oxygen. He has been fine since with no ‘episodes’ out of context, but that doc really worried me by saying he needs brain tracing!
All the more frustrating because the GP won’t listen. Well, that gynae rang me back the other day, to see how my husband was and if we got anywhere. I told her what the GP said and she said ‘Well I’m not convinced that was a faint. It wasn’t a fit either but if it happens again I think you should pursue it further’.
She meant well, of course she did. But since, I have been utterly petrified. I cannot cope if there is something wrong with him. So, the only way to calm down is to have a plan. We will be changing GP surgeries soon due to the move, and I will just go with him to a different GP and try to see if they can do any further tests. I will say its causing me massive stress if I have to!
Anyway, after she asked about him, she asked if I want to take part in the TABLET TRIAL, which of course, I do. I will try anything! I’m getting the blood test for this done next week (and I won’t be taking hubby with me, just in case!).
So that’s kind of the jumbled events of the last month which I just had to get down here. We still have a lot to do on the house and we have set a date of 16th Nov for our housewarming. I want it all done! I think this year I have felt so robbed of celebration. I just feel such a strong need to get our loved ones in the new place, to feel happy and positive, and to take something good and memorable from this hideous year, rather than a string of bad memories and experiences.
After the party, there will be quiet. It will hopefully feel like our home and not the empty nest I feared after the July loss. I have a singular, comforting thought, that simply involves me and my husband sitting in front of the fire, content. I will start reading again (just couldn’t get into any novels with everything buzzing round my head). I might even have a large glass of wine.
I have practically given up alcohol since we came back from the Edinburgh festival in August (which, was fantastic, you have to go!). I just felt like I have been drinking out of habit, and what if that is what is causing my bad eggs? It lasted until last night when I caved and had three large glasses at my friend’s birthday bash. Oh well. I still feel like I’ve done well to hold out for that long.
Oooh! I mean OUCH! I forgot to mention, I have started Accupuncture! A lovely lady who I have met through this blog recommended it to me. I have only had three weekly sessions, and I’m trying to get the hang of charting as she wants to take a closer look at my cycles…its a weird experience! First session was a bit painful but I put that down to being tense.. Second one was much better, but man, last week…I YELPED a few times! I was due for my period so it may have been down to that! I think its the bit where she manipulates the needle after its gone in…. having said that, its fine when they’re in, and I get to lie down and relax, I actually quite like that bit!
I will be dropping down to fortnightly sessions after next week and we will see how it goes. But for now, it feels empowering to do something I haven’t yet tried. Even if I cave in to the odd glass of wine or three.
So there you have, it. A massive wall of update text for you. Sorry!
We get the results of the blood tests in the next three weeks or so. I don’t know what I want them to be, so I’m not thinking about it too much.
In the meantime, there is a bedroom, hall and landing to paint, a plasterer to (fingers crossed) do a good job of patching up the ceiling, the floor to be sanded and varnished, a friend’s wedding with a mutual acquaintance boasting about her pregnancy and no doubt quizzing us on the lack of ours, a much needed 5 day break to Sweden with family, prepping the house for housewarming, making the food for housewarming, clearing up after housewarming, postponing work (which I really should not be doing) to get it all done, trying to stay sane….
…and remembering to breathe. X